Everlasting Light
by PlumsPeaches
Summary: Fifty professes his undying love for our sweet Ana, claiming to have lost interest in his previous lifestyle. It's hard not to give into the temptation. Does he wrestle it? Is his love strong enough? Or will the enticement win?
1. Metaphysical

**Backstory: Christian has told Anastasia about his past and Lelia has been taken care off. This fic picks off the day after Christian has admitted stuff about his mother and the fifteen. The story explores how Christian explores his world and wrestles with his demons while Ana deals with her self-esteem issues. Enjoy!**

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**Prologue**

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I don't wish to recall how it happened or why it did. I just _know _ that if I had stayed, my frail state of mind would have deteriorated further. It's not like I had been offered a choice; more like dismissed from my services to him. All those empty promises for a future together. How I wish I had been able to see through his pretentious façade. He kept dropping subtle hints. Only I was too enamoured to notice them. Too bewitched. Too beguiled.

_You've bewitched me Anastasia. You beguile me._

_No! Stop thinking about him. You knew this would happen. _

I shake my head vehemently, trying to tune out the ever annoying and Miss-I'm-so-practical-and-logical voice of my subconscious. Unsurprisingly my inner goddess is nowhere to be seen. I have a feeling now that Christian's gone it will be indeed a very long time before she makes an appearance. Only he can satisfy her darkest and deepest desires and fantasies.

Of course I knew this would happen.

Christian Grey does not do the girlfriend thing. Is that what I had been in our brief time together? Or another submissive with a refreshing demeanour? His precious Elena is the only person he would allow in his personal space despite her toxic vicinity. Not the supposed girlfriend. Not the fifteen. Not even his mother. Only the damned Mrs. Robinson. The alleged _friend _of his.

_Focus Ana. Focus. You will get over him. He was the first one. Gotta kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince. _I mutter to myself, throat constricted with unshed tears. Deep down I knew I had kissed the prince on the first attempt. There will be no other Christian Grey for me.

I all but scrub out the wet indents of stale tears. _It's not just you anymore. You will get through this. _My sub prods, desperate to see me strong than desolate.

I don't believe I would get over him. I just don't.

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**Chapter 1: Metaphysical**

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Anastasia point of view

Just fucked hair suits him well. I sigh in content, lazily drawing circles on his waist. A lazy grin dons his face. I like to think that this stretch of smile is complement to our post coital glow, the aftermath of our intense love making. Sunlight peeking quietly through his glass wall surrounds us in a cocoon, almost like a halo.

Inadvertently my mind drifts off to his revelations and shocking confessions, leaving him far behind. We all look like her. He finds comfort of his childhood in whipping petite brunettes just because his mother was ignorant and benighted in her motherly responsibilities. In a way he is venting out his revenge for her misdeeds. Now that he's admitted to having a dark sadistic but consenting persona I am at a loss. I hardly can manage to think what I'll do.

I know that I need this beautiful broken man in my life to function no matter how abhorrent he thinks he is. Yes. We have already established that I need my Fifty Shades more than anything in my life. But my conscience is not prepared to accept his word about not wanting the punishing baggage of SM anymore. How can someone so easily let go of their basic needs? How can he just claim to have lost interest in the heavy stuff? On a level I am aware that the temptation and urge will never fully dissipate. The need for the ultimate control will be present; sometimes dormant, sometimes overpowering his judgement. What will happen then? A single lapse is all it would take to tarnish our already so delicate relationship. I'll just become a shadow like Leila once he loses interest in my defiant behaviour.

"Hey." His sleepy voice pulls me out of my reverie, effectively halting the train of what ifs and why and how. "Where did you just go?" Fuzzy gray eyes bore into bewildered blue ones.

"You are over thinking. Again." He admonishes when I refused to comply.

"Am I not entitled some time to gather my errant thoughts and give them a direction?" His exasperated gaze is all I need to know that he is still not convinced I am going to stay.

"I just need time to come to terms with your past."

"Anastasia, tell me what to do. How to make this right again." His eyes turn a sad shade of silver as he looks a little boy lost in his thoughts. _Oh no. _I don't think I can deal with a sad fifty bright and early in the morning.

"Christian you don't need to make up for anything. You can't hold yourself responsible for their actions."

"Well I hate to think what would have happened if Taylor and I hadn't figured out what was going on."

"Need I remind Sir that I'm not some damsel in distress that needed rescuing. Ray has trained me well in the art of self defence."

"She had a fucking gun Ana. A loaded one."

"Then you would have brought me flowers every day in the hospital Christian."

"Dammit Ana. Don't fucking argue with me. Not on this." His loud response instantly sobers up my light mood. I say nothing as he runs his hand through his hair. An agitated Christian has always succeeded in scaring me to the hills. Not his past. Not his lifestyle. Not even his tainted childhood. But his anger. That anger will be the death of our somewhat of a delicate courtship. I bite my tongue to refrain myself from suggesting some anger management classes.

"I will be busy all day. Make yourself comfortable. Ask Mrs. Jones if you need anything." His implicit meaning is loud and clear; through and through. I am to stay at home while he goes out being all that aggressive I-will-fire-your-ass-if-you-don't-please-me CEO. Jeez, he is so demanding, I'm happy I didn't apply for an internship at GEH. Lord knows he would've fought with HR to hire me, exerting his megalomania beyond all limits.

"I need Sawyer to take me to work." I say quietly, testing the waters. His eyes narrow to slits, he glowers down at me clearly frustrated.

"Take the day off. Pick a book and snuggle the day." His voice has toned down considerably and I raise my eyes to meet his.

"I can't take the day off. I can't not go to work. I've barely worked there." I try to reason but like a petulant child he is not having any of it.

"Leila threat is obviously a done deal. I take it she is nowhere is the Pacific North-West? All the more reason for me to go and work my heart out. Let me go to work Christian, I need a distraction anyways." No sooner have the words left my mouth, I am pinned by his disrobed delicious weight. My inner goddess is all but panting with a foreboding copulating thought.

His Adonis of a body is pressing me in all the right places and I go from business-like to wanton in a jiffy.I pull his head down to mine and his tongue darts outs into my mouth licking and battling. He devours my mouth frantically. Mercilessly. Replacing my inane thoughts with a desire only he can sate. His hands on my aching body and his expert kisses consume me. Consume my world but only amplify my immediate need for him. The moment his fingers brush against my womanhood I mewl and dig my digits in his hips. His merciless onslaught continues, teasing me, testing me without any contractual S&M malarky.

A breath escapes me as he slides in a stiff finger and draws it out relentlessly. A second finger joins the first and inside me they curl and… _Oh right there. _My back arches off the bed and daintily molds in his chest, nipples erect at his command. His tongue traces pattern on my neck, suckling and nibbling and biting. My hands wrestle around the sheets and find him hard, _rock hard_. For me. _Oh my_. After all this. Only I can turn him on. And bring him pleasure. My hands pump him out, glistening with his ambrosia. I lick my hands, savoring his taste and groans low in his throat

Abruptly he flips me onto my back and enters me without a warning; stretching me out. _Mmm…._ A turned on Christian is a sight to behold. I love how precious he makes me feel despite his, quoting in his words,_ kinky fuckery_. A shudder rolls through me as his hits my _spot _ with such fierceness that my toes curl up. My breathing matches his, as I thrust back to him. Taking my untrapped hand he bites the thumb before guiding it down there. He palms up my clit and lets my thumb fondle it under his control and instruction.

_This is how he brings me pleasure. _I think as I follow his lead. _Maybe now I can do it on my own as well. _I muse to myself.

_No! _My dark internal queen self barks at me. God she is just as much used to pleasure with him as my sub is devoted to her books.

"Something you find amusing Ms. Steele? " His voice is as gruff as ever making him sound even sexier.

_Ah!_ I scream out loud my pleasure as rams back into me, an unnamed urgency governing his vehemence.

His motions are confident in kneading my breasts and pinching them to pleasure when he abruptly jerks off his seed inside my clenching walls. The sensation of him coming inside me as I chase my release is overwhelming. I increase my pace in milking him, desperate for relief.

But something unexpected happens. Christian pulls out forcefully and I wince involuntarily. I expect him to help me out but he just watches me thrashing and squirming with a dark carnal smirk. My head rolls back onto the pillow and I surrender myself to the derangement of the moment. _What the hell just happened? Did he just..._

"Eyes open Ana."He barks and they fly open at their own accord. I gaze at him perceptively. A stern expression with just a hint of amusement. The bastard is enjoying my discomfort.

"I believe you showed a preference for delayed gratification Ms. Steele." The air leaves my body. What is this about? I roll my eyes unintentionally which only fuels his thoughts about whatever he plans to do to me. I am panting and gasping, writhing beneath him but doesn't so as much does a thing.

"Frustrated, are you? Good. Because I want you so. Defy me. Fight me. And you shall deal with the consequences I endeavour to take out on your hot little body."

"Whatever happened to instant gratification?" I mutter with a sullen mood.

"The recent events have led me to a realisation that delayed gratification is yet another way of taming my little monster."

"Who's to say that your little monster won't sneak to the playroom in search of a few things that could bring her explicit pleasure?" I fire right back at him. His grey gaze smolders but I am serious. The need for the solace is so compelling I might just have to relieve myself.

"You will do no such thing. Besides the contract clearly stated the Sub is not allowed to touch herself without the Dom's permission." I sit upright at the mention of the contract. He said himself our relationship was real, not based on some shit about limits and consensus.

_No. No. No. Not this again. He promised. _

"I thought the contract was void." I barely whisper. The slight twitch of his jaw is confirmation enough he had heard me.

"Oh baby, you really need some training, don't you?"

I am not sure what he means to imply by the supposed _training _but I do know that his carnal gaze now stirs fear replacing lingering lust. He looks promising and threatening as he did when I first interviewed him, displaying every bit of his control and his demented self. I immediately scoot away from what I see.

_This. This is not him. He has given up all that for me. Christian _has _joined me in the light. He is not dark and powerful. He isn't. He can't be._

At the moment he looks so. The air around is frigid with uprising tension. I recognise it. The Dom stance he has so skillfully mastered. One that never fails to frighten me.

He is challenging me. Challenging me to go against his wish. Daring me to defy him. In my panic I scream out his name as fervently as I can to bring him back.

"_Christian! _" It does the trick I think. I see a moment of hesitation on face, a flicker of indecision and that's all I need before I hurl myself in his arms, clutching onto him for dear life.

I am sobbing uncontrollably and he is helpless. My Fifty is back. He is back from the darkness and he is consoling me. Fresh tears take place of old ones when he wipes them away.

"It's okay baby. It's okay. I'm fine. We're fine. We're fine." He mutters incoherently but I am not assured. And it occurs to me that this is probably the first time he has failed in his objective of convincing me. And just like that my mind runs wild. And I don't feel safe and secure. Not even when he is clasping me this tight.

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**Thank you for stopping by. I sincerely hope you enjoyed this first chapter...**


	2. Concise with Contempt

**A/N : I'm blown away by your response people. I got over 350 views and 27 alerts for the first chapter. Now, being a slow poke I need a week to write a new chapter but I guess inspiration hit with the feedback and viola!**

**I'd like to acknowledge everyone who read, reviewed and subscribed the story. Thanks for massive response. **

**On you go with the new chapter. Happy reading!**

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**Chapter 2 : Concise with Contempt**

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Anastasia Point Of View

It has been three hours, almost noon, and I still haven't heard from Christian. After a particular alarming incident this morning Christian, for once, didn't argue with me and quietly acquiesced to my request. I had hoped work would be a healthy distraction but so far no such luck. My train of thoughts is whistling in the backdrop while I try to focus on the report of a fresh manuscript. Jack is as accommodating as ever but I know that it's for his own selfish reasons.

I've asked Sawyer to get his lunch because I don't feel well enough to go out without being hit by a pickup truck or a speedy sports car. I really can't take it any longer. My fingers make a quick work of firing up the e-mail program and I carefully weave my words.

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**From: **Anastasia Steele

**Subject: **Quiet Day At Work

**Date: **June 22 2011 13:25

**To: **Christian Grey

I haven't heard from you all day. I'm getting a little worried. I understand you need your space right now. But don't shut me out. You promised you'd me tell if it ever got too much for you. Please don't beat yourself up for this morning Christian. I've forgiven you. I think you can manage that too.

Do I need to call Dr. Flynn? I hope you realize I'd rather talk to you than him.

Love,

A. x

P.S. Do you mind if I stay at my apartment tonight?

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I immediately regret hitting the send button. Dammit. I shouldn't have added the post script. Now he'll definitely think I'm avoiding him. _Oh Fifty! When will you learn to love yourself?! _

I turn off the screen and it blacks out in seconds, greeting me with my darkened reflection. I scowl as I observe myself. The usual color in my cheeks is missing and I look like I woke up on the wrong side of bed today. Not much fib there. The morning was going on just fine, actually more than fine; it was going splendid, until the demons possessed him again. I must ask to see the good old shrink; maybe he'll have some answers. But knowing Christian, he'd never agree to it, he'll probably convince me not to and just misinterpret my motives and opinions. That's a risk I'm not willing to take. It's important that I stay loyal to his word and give him the benefit of the doubt.

Maybe I can get off work early and give him a surprise visit at GEH. Didn't he say that I could come by whenever I wanted to? Do I want to go? It's only fair that he comes to see me. I did forgive him for stalling me and denying me my fill of pleasure.

_There wasn't much to forgive for, was there? You are smitten, it's pathetic. _Pathetic maybe I was. Smitten? Absolutely. But this morning was a wake up call to my system. My whole world cannot revolve around him. I need to get a life elsewhere. Hence the request for a night out. I am becoming too much attached and sooner or later it will come and bite me in the ass.

_It's good to know you haven't become his lap dog yet. _No. I was almost there. To a point of obsession that would creep him out and surpass his stalking tendencies.

The buzzing of Blackberry pull me back to SIP. I hurriedly make my way down to get Jack's lunch. Sometimes having Sawyer around isn't as much as bad as I thought it would be. Though it would be really wrong if he was to accompany me to my desk. Taking the bag from him, I thank Sawyer for doing a favor and dash back upstairs.

I knock the door to Jack's office and slip inside.

"Your lunch, Jack?"

"Oh thank you honey. Have you had lunch yet?" _Where is he going with this?_

"I had a heavy breakfast. But thank you for asking." I stand awkwardly, waiting to be dismissed. But it seems he has other plans as he beckons me over to sit. I take a seat in front of his enormous wood desk that scarcely reminds me of Christian's reception at the ground floor. While GEH is all ultramodern, chick and classy with wide interiors, our SIP is small with a wannabe of age look, the interiors are rich and warm lending a soft glow of being habituated. SIP is by no means any comparison to his company, but he still bought with a fleeting thought.

_So now, your safety is a fleeting thought? _Ah. There is she. My inner goddess. I was worried she had disappeared but here she is now, all smug and confident, I don't know much but I admire her look. I hope I looked outgoing and self-assured at least for a while if not always. A change of scenery shall do me good. Maybe I should go see Ray instead of staying home alone.

"I cannot expect my assistant to work ungodly amount of time if she doesn't eat well. Please Ana. Have something with me." _What?!_

"Err..No thank you Jack. I have a report to finish."

"Oh sweet girl. I thought you liked when guys dominated you?!" My nostrils flare up and my mind processes what he said. Does he know about Christian and me?

"Now don't look so coy Ana. I have seen you with your CEO of a boyfriend. He seems rather demanding."

"That is really none of you business Jack." I spit out through clenched teeth but my heart is pounding rapidly.

"But it is my business if he screws up your mind and you don't concentrate on work. Don't you see Ana? He is purposely warping you so that the HR will write you a nasty report and fire you up. You won't get a job anywhere else. He'll make sure of that and then the bastard will lock you in his ivory tower." Jack doesn't make an impact to my surprisingly working brain as much as he does to my body. I am fixed. I am immovable. I will my limbs to move and smack sense into him but my stupid muscles won't twitch. And he is enjoying my frozen state.

"What did he do Ana? What strings he pulled, huh?"

"I don't know what you're talking about Jack?"

"He brought this place,right? Your billionaire boyfriend bought this frickin' place! This was our company, run by its supervisors and editors and assistants, not by some rich son of a bitch owner. Tell me, how much did Grey pay him, huh?" So it was common knowledge now. Christian Grey had bought SIP for his girlfriend. I cringe at my choice of words. Was I even his girlfriend?

"Oh yeah he bought SIP weeks ago. He wanted to expand his business to publishing sector. Mergers and Acquisitions. That's what he does. In fact, he bought one at east coast too. Somewhere in New Hampshire, I think." I lie of coolly despite the sweat beads that have gathered on my forehead.

"He is very passionate about helping struggling industries."

"Yeah? Sure he is." His scoff only fuels my fury over Christian's mockery. "I never took you for the type of girl who sleeps with her boss to get a promotion."

"_Excuse me?!_"

"Hey, I speak what I hear, Ana."

"You don't know shit about me or him!"

"It will surprise you how much I know about you two. It seems he is slacking on keeping a low profile, don't you think, _baby_?" My blood freezes at the sound of his imitation of Christian. He notched that perfectly; exactly how Christian call me baby.

"What do you want Jack?" He has my full attention now. The baby hairs on my neck are standing and my skin is covered with goosebumps but somehow, just _somehow _I manage to conceal my fear and put on an annoyed expression. I hope crossing my arms haughtily enhances the effect of aggravation. But he is not naïve like I am. Nor is he inexperienced. He looks right through my facade. His eyes flash the deepest blue, twinkling with amusement, no doubt having a diversion at my expense. _How I wish to wipe that smirk off! _

"Assurance, Ana. I need assurance from you." I simply cock my head to my side as Christian often does, waiting for him to elaborate.

"I need you word, Anastasia. This job is mine. And it shall remain mine till the day I want it to. You'll make sure of that, won't you? You don't wanna get me fired. Not by a long shot."

"Keep this up and I may just do."

"Oh you never learn, do you? Take me for my word and it shall benefit you in the long run. Refuse and you shall pay dire consequences my dear." His words are dripping venom, laced with contempt. And if I ever thought this man couldn't really terrify me to the point of bolting, then he just did. He then smiles his usual easygoing smile that he reserves for his colleagues and I am dismissed without a further acknowledging nod.

I am shaking when I sit down at my desk, my appetite all gone. I feel nauseated. I didn't sign up for _this _when I applied for the job. Christian always told me to steer clear off him but I obtusely believed Jack didn't have _that_ kind of intellect.

_Well you know better now. _Yes. I do. His demand wasn't that outrageous, was it? No man should ever have to lose his employment over a notion as ordinary as jealousy. Hyde had been concise and clear in his wishes, to the point. Knowing Christian, he will fire him without as much as a backward glance and wave this matter off. But I know better. I don't want to be resented in someone's thoughts. I'll have to convince Christian without tipping him off about the potential threat.

_Nip them in the bud, don't they say? _If it can be solved at this level, then why not?

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It's now five in the evening and still there is no response from Fifty. I'm getting a little agitated with the lack of communication which I so desperately need to have a grip on the ugly reality. Jack hasn't bothered since this afternoon, which is not a very good sign. He is waiting for me to concede and beg him to leave us alone. But I will not let him have that satisfaction. He can have that editor's post for all I care.

I am startled when a letter is slid onto my table. I don't look around to see the who delivered it. Maybe this will have some good news and can become the positive beacon of my eventful day.

_Tell that boyfriend of yours not to make jobs flexible. I'd hate to unravel his secrets._

_Tick Tock darling. Tick Tock. I want a handwritten guarantee of my job. A little donation won't hurt him either now, will it?_

_Have a good evening Miss. Steele._

_Jack_

I immediately tear it off before throwing the remnants in the communal trash can. I gather my stuff quickly, shoving it in bag before heading out. I am chiefly swayed with the idea of evading the hired close protection but I contend my head for the sake of Sawyer's job security. He'd be fired in an instant if he reported I'm missing. I don't wish that anyone. Losing your source of income without a hindsight can be a little unsettling. Not all of us have over forty thousand employees at our disposal. Some of us need to work for a living.

I'm so angry right now, I need a little escape.

"The Escala, Miss. Steele?" Sawyer asks from behind the wheel. Has he picked up on my mood?

"No. My apartment please." He hesitates for a moment before heading to our Pike Place home. The whole ride I'm fuming with rage. I'm angry at Christian. At Jack. I need Kate right now. I need comfort of a stable presence. Why can't she be back now? Barbados can't be that interesting to hold the interest of short attention spanned Kavanagh.

Sawyer glances at me through the mirror before pulling at the parking spot. I'm out of the car, running, before it has stopped.

I shut the door close behind me before sliding down and angry tears start falling and I cry out my grievances.

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**A/N : Thank you for reading. See ya later! :) :D**


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